You will never hear a single person say those words, unless they have read a bad self-help book recently or are so jaded that they don’t believe in love anymore.
I’m sick and tired of hearing my friends in happy relationships say it to me after I regale them with my latest dating misadventure. Why? First and foremost, it’s simply not true, on any level. It may seem that way to them because they never expected that the person who is now the one to be the one. That person didn’t come in to their lives with a business card saying “I’m the one — No Heartbreak Guaranteed.” So, in retrospect, their meeting may seem serendipitous — all part of the mysterious workings of fate. But they were looking — if they weren’t, they would have never given The One a chance.
I don’t believe it’s possible to not be looking. To not look is to give up any hope of finding love. As far as I can tell, there is no better feeling in the world than to love and be loved. Why would youever give up on finding that? Why would you ever stop looking?
Second of all, it doesn’t make any sense. How can you meet someone if you never go out on dates or put yourself out there? Prince Charming doesn’t magically show up in your bedroom, or at your office, or even in your yoga class, and decide to fight through all the walls you’ve decided to put up because you’re “not looking for it.” If you were unemployed, would you sit around and magically hope that a job was going to fall in your lap while you were “doing something you loved,” like painting watercolors or watching [TV Show of Choice] marathons?
Thirdly, there’s overwhelming proof to the contrary. If no one that looked for love ever found it, online dating wouldn’t be a multi-million dollar industry. Its growing success is based on very simple logic. Love feels good —> Humans want love in their lives —> They look for love online —> They find someone else looking for love online —> A connection is made. They tell their success story and all their single friends, looking for love, join Match.com and Tinder and OKCupid. They drown in endless profiles, and analyze tentative text messages and come home exhausted from awkward dates — all while holding on to the hope that, at some point, they’ll go on that one date, and their search will have been worthwhile.
So stop. Stop with the lectures. No more clichés. Don’t tell me I’m going to find love when I’m not looking for it, because I refuse to give up. And don’t tell me that I have to love myself first — it’s because I love myself that I will not stop looking. It’s because I love myself that I believe that I deserve to find love, and I will look for it until I find it…
Assume your the rule not the exception
Desire is a Messenger
I reach out into nothingness
And feel your presence there
When loneliness and emptiness
Become beyond compare
When hour after hour
Transforms itself to days
And the memories we’ll make…